I should be haemorrhaging blood
Through my ears,
Screaming in agonizing pain,
Howling in sadness;
But 20 years have passed
Since I wrapped you last
in that soft striped yellow sheet
and they took you away.
Pain subsides over time.
Not at first, but
Gradually, like surf after a storm,
After a tsunami, a typhoon, a hurricane
Katrina
At first it’s ruins and disaster
Misery
The world an altered reality.
Eventually, waves no longer crash
With fury, but damage remains
The basement still flooded
The mildew creeping up the walls
And not wanting to do anything
At all
To fix it.
Years pass. Decades. I still weep
hard, at other people’s funerals
I still ache in the depths,
In my heart.
My body feels an emptiness
It can’t replace.
But
There is life
Out here, in my world
Laughter and nonsense
And many other gifts you granted me,
When I became your mom.
There is sea and sun
Friendships,
Inner wisdom,
Tranquility, perspective.
I share my daily being:
You inside of me
And me inside the world.
Audrey Gran Weinberg
For my son, Yarden Weinberg 1994-1998
Beautiful, wretching and honourable Audrey. Connecting to the pain, space, the love, and description of the indescribable…
Anny Langan
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Thank you, Anny!
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