It’s no wonder our ancestors worshipped the sun gods. I do too, now!
Woke up encouraged, though it took a while to fall asleep.
The sounds of the meditation didn’t do the trick, I thought.
But waking up, even in the darkness of the ‘dawn’
I felt, okay. I felt good enough. Even quite ‘well,’
And listened obediently to a morning meditation
Where I am filled with golden light,
Encompassed in a golden eggshell.
I got out of bed, smiling.
Smiling!
I didn’t feel exhausted.
For a change.
I put on my power suit
and I’m going to work.
I can do this,
Today.
Is it already 2019? How do the years jump past so fast? Is this a poem or a post? Is my brain on overdrive or overwork? Will the sound of a train in the distance elicit sweet memories or trauma?
Everything is questionable. Nothing is certain. I woke up this morning to a sweet sensation of connection And peacefulness. And immediately questioned how long that would last. I had dreams upon dreams But they all slipped away.
I called the therapist But she doesn’t have time Yet And the Company Doctor can see me on Friday, is that a small yay?
One minute I think ‘all is fine, I can do this’ Next minute I’m choked up and my brain is buzzing. My ears are warm My heart is pumping My eyes are blurring – it could be the contacts – they should be changed soon.
I read through my inbox just now. Searching desperately for word from the Happy Goddessa who promises me that in 21 days I’ll have positive change. But her email isn’t here, and I don’t know if I have the energy to fix her bugs. I can hardly fix my own.
The meditation for sleep last night worked wonders Along with the purple sleeping pill And my newly decorated bed stand. And no TV time, for a change. No binging. Just reading. Helping myself to get to a good place.
What’s wrong with you, Audrey? That gremlin shouts. Just do what you have to. Have to Should Need to They are suffocating me – all these obligations. I have an overpowering need to break free To do something completely different For a change.
But it’s so stormy outside, I don’t dare face the weather. I turn up the heat and drink tea And coffee And a smoothie And think about going out. And I do some of what I have to do. I read my mails. Most of my mails. Some I ignore. Some I can’t handle. Thankfully, the battery on my laptop dies. It’s a respite.
There are too many questions. Too many people with too many needs Requests, more obligations. Things to do. They can carry me under Like the undertow On a sunny day, When you think that All is fine And go out for a swim In the warm, calm waters But then…
Can’t return to shore, no matter how hard you try Can’t shout because no one is listening. Or if they hear you, they don’t understand what the problem is. After all, you’re a great swimmer, aren’t you?
The chest is achy. Not the chest. It’s mine. My chest. There’s a brick on top of it. I’m stuffed with stuffing. I’m a turkey roast But not as tasty.
Turkey roasts just wait to be roasted And carved And eaten. I hate waiting, so that can’t be me.
Crisis occurs when things need to change. Okay, I’m ready. Here I am. Bring
It’s no wonder our ancestors worshipped the sun gods. I do too, now!
